Resolution

I’ve decided to turn things around for this blog, to make it a little more interesting and a little more versatile, by actually posting more often. Of course, to do so I need to change a little the format and the topics. No more insight in the lives of my fictional characters that have no name, no address and no continuity.

I don’t plan on forgetting all about my small narrations, but considering that they are so few and far between, there needs to be more in there to fill in the blanks of my life, because I don’t take a breath only once every five months and because there are so many things to say.

So this is my 4th of September, 2009 resolution…

Glimpses of time and space

I close my eyes and a memory invades my senses. I can feel myself slipping easily and comfortably into it. I’m sitting high above the floor, on my stomach, with your hands around me, and your strong heartbeat throbbing underneath my left breast. The windows are opened wide, while the room is warm and nice, filled with the smells from the rain outside. Raindrops are hitting the metallic window frame, creating a soothing noise. It’s like there is nothing else out there but you and I in the warmth of the room, and the rain. The illusion of time simply disintegrates in front of my eyes, the idea of something before this or of something after is simply nonexistent. There is no space and there is no time, just the two of us happy to be here, now, together.

My eyes are closed, while the wind is tangling my hair, whisking away a lock that escaped my messy loop. The air is cold, it smells of rain and grass and green, while all around us the temperature is lowering, creating the illusion that we have slipped into a different world, where the air is fresh and the heat is welcomed. You are in the driver’s seat, with your 70’s glasses – to protect you from the light; and your white t-shirt – just in case it rains again. Music is filling my ears, the beat accelerating my heart, while the speed increases my adrenalin level. I know you feel it too, the anticipation, the suspense, the need to keep going. I know I could do this indefinitely, sitting in the car, while you drive, taking us somewhere, anywhere.

I open my eyes and the site that first greets me is of your hair, falling over your closed eyelids. You’re sleeping calmly on the other half of the pillow, with your right arm loosely around my middle. I can hear the noises outside, I can see the first glimpses of morning coming from the window, and still, I am reluctant to move, to go anywhere, to disturb our peace and quiet. Trying to blink the sleep away, I see you watching me and I realise that you have been awake for a while, waiting for me to open my eyes.

And I smile.

And you smile.

And it’s morning.

Musings on a winter day:

So after I was gone from the face of the planet for about two months, I thought I should show my big, bright smile around here again. Since my last post I entered the new year, I passed all my exams, I read a few books, dreamed about white skin and cold hands, started the second semester of my second year, laughed, cried, got pissed off and on the same note I went through all the human emotions.

Right now I am sitting in my dorm room, perched up on my upstairs bed, looking at my room mate as she is warming up a cup of tea. I am a little bored right now, wasting time doing absolutely nothing, looking around myself and realising that life is more or less a complete waste of time.

I just feel everything passing by me, nothing is different, nothing is happening, while I just sit here. I have this mental image of a figure standing completely still, while the whole world is moving all around it, at an alert pace. Maybe in a way it is important to just take a break from all the things around you and analyse, think, perceive the world as it really is, while everything around you is in a blur of speed and agitation.

In all honesty, I like this rhythm of my life, at a slow controlled pace, taking it all in. This is me in a weird way of looking at things, but I don’t mind. While with a goal set I am fast and driven, alert and just a little hectic, without one, everything around me just seems to slow down, from my heartbeat to my breathing, to the people passing me by on the street, to the water running in the sink.

Tick tack, tick tack...

[photo: gorjuss Art - Suzanne Woolcott, 'Driftwood' ]